Last week my girlfriend of 11 months broke up with me quite suddenly. This was not easy, we've known each other since 9th grade (I'm 26 now), and we have quite a few mutual friends. We broke up because I had come home from a 12 hour day of work (4 hours in a car), had a migraine - and she became insanely upset that I didn't want to talk about some of the hardships and challenges going on in her life. I'm not an *** - I talk to her all the time about those same hardships - this one particular day I just was so worn down - and so stressed - I simply wasn't in the mood to talk that night. We went to bed angry and she broke up with me the next day - claiming I didn't care about her, and I have no long-term potential. She asked to be friends - and I said I'll always consider you a friend - but I cannot be around you or see you for a very long time because my feelings are so strong for you. She didn't take it very well - and there were days of silence. Occasionally I'd send a text and ask her if she wanted to talk - she'd say %26quot;sure but I'm not changing my mind about anything.%26quot; Ok so then and there I took it on the chin like a man - I told myself I was going to surround myself with friends, focus on my career, start DJ'ing at nightclubs again - basically focus on myself and finding someone who wanted to be with me - start online dating in the near future - I mentally prepared myself to move on even though I was crushed inside. One week after the break-up she invites me over to talk - not once did I mention getting back together because she told me it wasn't an option - and I'll NEVER beg for anyone - its pathetic and degrading. She admitted that the week we broke up she was furious because I was getting facebook messages from friends supporting me, people were confirming the nights I was DJ'ing, and there were some flirty text messages from girls I have no interest in telling me that I deserve better (I didnt agree - the girl I'm with is amazing - but she still saw the facebook messages). Then one week later - out of no where she invited me over to talk and said - she was wrong - she over-reacted - she wants me back - and now things are great. My question is - how can women possibly let someone they love know there is no chance of getting back together when it is not true or when you don't mean it? Don't tell me its because you want to see if they actually care or not - because that doesn't make sense - because a huge percentage of men will care but will not pursue something he was told to be impossible or futile. Men have a hard enough time understanding the basics of women - when you throw a curve-ball and say its over forever - but you don't mean it - you risk losing the love of your life in some cases. How can you allow yourself that kind of risk when you can simply tell your partner %26quot;hey you really messed up and hurt me, don't do it again.%26quot; We are back together - and everything is great - but I ask this question so that other men don't make the same mistake I did. If I had known there was even a slight chance for forgiveness, I would have tried really hard even if there was a chance of failure, but a definite %26quot;No its over for good%26quot; could cause a man you love to move on for good. I'm not looking for an answer - whoever provides the best insight and/or similar example gets the 10 points. thanks for reading this long one.
Ladies: Why do you tell someone you love its over and you'll never change your mind, when you don't mean it?
I must say...you do come up with the best questions. I am a girl. Age 23 and I think girls are mean! They brag, get into stupid fights, butt into other peoples business and take advantage of people. I probably do these things, but a girl won't admit it of course. Because the girl is always right it the fight right?
If I had a boyfriend like you, I would never leave you. I really don't think all girls are like that. Or maybe I'm just different. But I truley value love. Your lucky to have found that at such a young age as a freshman.
Don't take this personally but if this happens again with you two thenI would just let her be. Do exactly what you were doing and do focus on the future and not her. But if things keep going well then good work! I'm glad love can be found by someone in the world!
Ladies: Why do you tell someone you love its over and you'll never change your mind, when you don't mean it?
When you wernt willing to listen to her, she was wondering WHY you wernt willing to take the time to listen. she doesnt automatically know you had a hard day or to what degree. You've probably done this before a few times, probably without even noticing (which is understandable, especially if you were having a bad day). but you must understand that SHE couldve been having just as bad a day and you not listening when she really needed you to probably hurt her deeply. so she needed time to think if you really cared for her (although she probably knew deep down that you did), but she didnt want you bothering her while she thought about it. like you said %26quot; If I had known there was even a slight chance for forgiveness, I would have tried really hard even if there was a chance of failure%26quot;. if that was me i wouldve wanted some space, because if you were running around trying to get my attention while i was trying to think about it, that would really get on my nerves and i'd end up just dumping you out of annoyance. so she said something rash that she probably didnt think you would take seriously (most men dont actually listen when a woman says something important, one of their many fatal flaws). also i think she got just a little jeleous after seein other girls flirting with you on facebook.
