Friday 16 September 2011

How would you change the essay below to improve the letter grade.?

All help is appreciated. Grammatical errors, spelling, sentence structure anything.



Life lessons of Romeo %26amp; Juliet

Romeo %26amp; Juliet can teach us many life lessons, but lessons in books cannot change your life unless you make the change. Romeo %26amp; Juliet can teach us three life lessons. The first being: don’t make rash decisions. The second lesson is to think through decisions. The third is that young love or infatuation is not a good reason to kill you self over.

The first life lesson in Romeo %26amp; Juliet is that you should not make rash, quick decisions, rash decisions usually only lead to trouble. An example would be when Romeo wanted to kill himself because he was banished from Verona for killing Tybalt. “Calling death banishment is death mistermed. Calling death “banishment” Thou cuttst my head off with a golden axe %26amp; smiling upon the stroke that murders me.”

The next lesson in Romeo %26amp; Juliet is to consider possible reproductions %26amp; outcomes. Throughout the play of Romeo %26amp; Juliet many characters make decisions that were obviously not thought through. Such as when the Friar gave Juliet the vial that contained the drug to put her in a death like coma. He did not anticipate that Romeo would not receive the letter that said Juliet was in a coma and not dead. This miscommunication causes the death of 3 people.

The third is that suicide is should not be an option for young love such as Romeo %26amp; Juliet’s. Romeo and Juliet’s love was really infatuation, love takes time to build. Romeo and Juliet only knew each other for 5 days which is not enough time for anyone to fall in love. It’s a nice plot for a play but not for real life. After Romeo kills himself with poison Juliet kills herself with a dagger “This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die“, which is not the best answer to her problems.

Romeo and Juliet can teach us many valuable life lessons. The lessons in Romeo and Juliet are mainly that you should not make rash decisions, you should think through most decisions, and that young love does not justify suicide. My argument was that life lessons can be learned through reading. The life lessons learned must be applied to a person’s life to get anything out of the lessons learned.
How would you change the essay below to improve the letter grade.?
Its ok. Now for the suggestions



Your start has no punch to it. Its too bland. How wud a couple of love touched poetic lines do? They'd make it ten times more interesting for the reader and encourage him to keep reading



Then i dont think u shud introduce the lessons like that. Start the introduction of your first lesson with a new para, and discuss it. Then in the next para, introduce the next lesson, and go with it. Dont name them in the start, it destroys any suspense or chase in the passage



Then the end is a repetition. U just talked about it all earlier, why repeat this all again. it becomes very very very annoying. If this was unintentional, then change it. If it was some sort of summary, then summarise it, not state it all again.



I think quoting shakespeare will help in places.



I can help u further if u want, feel free to mail me.