1) You have an abusive an parent / parents. If the Father is the abuser, dropping his last name helps to cut those ties. Sometimes, hearing the name that an abusive parent called you can bring back the fear and anxiety that you felt as a child. There is no need to carry it though your life.
2) you cannot relate to your name. When I was in the 3rd grade the teacher called my name and I did not answer. I didn't feel any connection to the name. It was someone else. This is when I first decided I wanted a different name.
3) you need a fresh start. I hear this one a lot. When you have been through trauma or life-changing events. Divorce, extreme loss , anything that makes you feel that it's time to start over.
4) your name is an embarrassment or source of stress to you.We all know which names these are. Radio Science and Pilot Inspektor are good examples of names you might not want to carry you through life.
Whatever the reason someone decides to make this change. Try to keep in mind, the decision does not come easily. There is almost always some sort of grief behind it. Try not to judge these people harshly.
We do not all get named by loving, thoughtful parents who have only our best interest at heart.
How do any of you feel about this?
In defense of name changes! Sometimes there's nothing better!?
Those are some very good reasons to change your name. I can empathize with anyone needing to do it. As you know, I'm seriously considering doing it myself.
1.) Passing on a name in an *honor* - if someone has hurt and abused another, I can understand fully why that person does not pass on their name.
2.) A big problem that is really no one's fault. Parents can sometimes prevent this, however. This is why I think it is good to have names planned but not set until a baby is born. Maybe a parent can't tell enough if a name will be very suiting soon after a child is born, but I've heard a lot of times that they can. I hope I have the courage to give up on my favorites, should none of them fit him/her.
3.) I understand completely - this is the main reason why I am deciding to do it myself. It's like molting. Shedding off your former self and becoming a newer, fresher you.
4.) Sometimes parents try too hard to be unique. Maybe they were embarrassed or put off at being one of too many Mikes or Johns; or maybe they want to put more attention on their own creativity; or maybe they are crappy at thinking up names. (Some parents just can't cook, some just can't pick out good names.) Anyway, this could actually run a bit parallel to #2.
I haven't had any criticism yet, but I can see why some people may be against the idea - I know, with all the effort I am already putting to my kid's names, it would be a shame for them to go and change it. We hate to think of our own kids rejecting our names.
Like I said, I'm doing it mainly because of 3. I was a victim of Hurricane Katrina. Our town was really bad hit and our family has been really chaotic since then. Well, it really always has been. First it was my mother's problems with addiction. Something about Hurricane Katrina really sobered her up (literally and figuratively) and wizened her, and she hasn't really had problems since. My father (as well as I) took it EXTREMELY hard (not that others didn't too). We used to be really close - I went to Germany right after the hurricane for 2 years - and after I came back he was just a totally different (and selfish) man.
So it's 3 and a little bit of 1 - in the sense that I want to distance myself from my family. It was in Germany when I was really lonely that I realized that, actually, I've been alone and left alone all my life. I just want to be me own person... And that %26quot;son of Thomas,%26quot; don't even know who he was (other than he is a very distant relative), so no connection there. :)
ETA: I am also not doing this in haste. When I move (in like a week), I will be called %26quot;Sarah Helen%26quot; instead of just %26quot;Sarah%26quot; - Not changing my last name (for the moment) and just using %26quot;+ Helen%26quot;. Once this rubs in, I will have the correct paper work and order and be ready for the court cost, etc. - and be able to change my last name.
Only thing I'm uncertain of now is how I would keep Helen, or if I'd want to. I wouldn't mind being Sarah Helen Harper - but that means getting rid of Elizabeth...
I think I'd rather keep the Helen part just in say. That way if I get tired of that, I could just get rid of it. (Or if not, change it again when I get married.)
In defense of name changes! Sometimes there's nothing better!?
Hear hear!
I'm sure the people who make negative comments are hypocrites - they're probably the same people who say little Adolph Hitler Campbell should have his name changed by force.
1. Completely understandable.
2. If someone's felt that way since 3rd grade and never wavered into adulthood, it sounds sensible.
3. Hmmm ... not sure making a big decision based on a stressful situation is a good idea, personally. It sounds like a band-aid solution.
4. Common sense.
I agree with all of the above, but do not do this in haste, if you just up one day decide to change your name, really think about it before you do, unless you have one of these reasons, then why do it?
I agree. And I have never critized any of those people. I want to change my name (no good reason, just SICK of Megan!)
But I doubt I ever will.
I wish more people would change their last names.
There are some ugly last names out there!
It's your choice... Nobody has to answer to it but you.
People are free to change their name for whatever reason. It's their business. I don't think it's any different from a married woman wanting to change her name to her husbands, or a divorced woman wanting her old name back.
I had a boss named Danielle Taylor Lastname and she hated the name Danielle because she was named after her abusive father Daniel. Taylor was her mother's maiden name. She legally had her name changed to Taylor Lastname, no middle name.
Another friend changed her name due to numerology - no joke. She had a series of horrible things happen in her life, more than one person should ever experience, much less someone just in her mid 20s. She needed a new start and changed her name completely - once she changed her name, her attitude completely changed and she was like a new person, and was finally making good things happen in her life.
My boyfriend always talks about changing his name. His mother remarried when he was 8 and he was adopted by his step-father and had his name changed. But the step-father was an abusive alcoholic and left his mother after 2 years and he's never seen him again. Now about 30 years later he still has the name of a man he only lived with for 2 years and was never really a father to him. But if we get married, he's already said he doesn't want me to take his last name because it isn't really his last name anyway.
I agree with everything you said. I never felt...or feel connected to my name either. :l
