This holiday season I visited home for 10 days, and I have come to the realization that my mom may not love me after all. We constantly get in fights. I do realize I should be more respectful towards her, because I tell her to shut up when I visit. But she nags me CONSTANTLY. She won%26#039;t even say hi, when I come to visit it%26#039;s immediately %26quot;Change your clothes.%26quot; %26quot;Wash your hands.%26quot; I get nagged like I%26#039;m in grade school and am just looking for a bit of respect in return is all.
We get in fights about everything. She says, %26quot;Don%26#039;t come home anymore. I don%26#039;t want to see you.%26quot; %26quot;Get to work.%26quot; I often hear about how lazy and incapable I am, and once or twice she wondered aloud how she raised such a person.
I%26#039;ve been trying to call my parents to wish them a happy new year since 9 this morning, and my dad finally answered the phone at 11 and apologized cuz he was in the kitchen since then- He said that my mom told him I%26#039;ve been trying to call since 9 but didn%26#039;t bother to answer. That really hurt me.
I told my mom I loved her several times and that she was one in a million over this holiday break, and she either completely ignored me or said, %26quot;Yeah.%26quot; %26quot;Ok, whatever, you don%26#039;t mean it.%26quot;
Sometimes I wonder if I am the cause of this. Maybe she truly thinks I don%26#039;t love her and she is so hurt that she responds this way. It makes me feel so guilty because she pays my tuition and gave me a lot of nice Christmas gifts. I feel like a huge waste of time and space.
What should I do? I don%26#039;t feel like a good person inside anymore... I just want to tell my mom I love her and have her know that I MEAN it... and for her to say it back. I think to myself she wouldn%26#039;t pay my tuition if she didn%26#039;t love me... maybe she is bitter about it?
Sorry this is so long and thanks so much for reading and the help.
Does my mom love me... or should I try to move on?
Hello, I am very interested in what you have to say, it would be interesting to know how old your mother was when she had you ?
perhaps she had you at an early age and has had to sacrifice many things to help you over the years an feels it may never end hence her resentment towards you. It may just be just simple jealousy that you are young and have the chance to live the life she never had the chance to experience for her self. Try sending your mother a bunch of flowers now an then to show her you think of her not just on her birthdays or mothers day, write her letters an leave them around the house in places that she will find them, or post them to her an invite her to meet you to go out for a meal an have a nice girls day out. Make her feel special, it could also be that since you moved out of the house she feels that you have deserted her after all she has done for you. Don%26#039;t let yourself get caught in the position of telling your mother to shut her mouth, just tell her that you love her an want to respect her but that her nagging at you all the time is why you say the nasty things you do just to get her off your back. Your Dad should be someone who can get you both to stay carm an sort this problem out once an for all. Just don%26#039;t rise to her bait someone has to act like the adult and she seems not to be the person she ought. I wish you all the luck in the world that you may settle this problem with your mother.
Does my mom love me... or should I try to move on?
Maybe you should look at yourself. I find many young people in America as selfish and dysfunctional punks.
She may not act like she loves you but she always does and always will
Your mom loves you. Some moms show it in different ways though.
dont be yourself at least for the next few times uve gotta kiss up and just make her feel happy with who u r because ur out in the world alone and shes worried bout what paths ull turn by yourself
she sounds like an ******
Sad! I guess it is natural to seek the love and attention of our parents, it somehow gives us approval of who we are and what we are doing. Your mom by the sounds of it is dealing with issues other than you. The things she says to you however should never come from a mother to her child. Not sure if you are an only child, is she this way with the other children? ( if there are any). It is hard to make suggestions or recommendations with the little knowledge we have of you situation. Can your dad shed any light on the relationship as why she is the way she is? I, myself am very independent and would have to go the whole school shot myself. You are approaching an age where you are an adult and should be capable of making adult decisions. You will someday soon be looking at marriage and you don%26#039;t want something like this going on and affecting your marriage. You may have to just pull away more and make your life elsewhere, you may never get the love and recognition from your mom you deserve. You sound like a decent guy that cares for others and deserve better. Start to pull away more and make your life your own, establish a good relationship with a sound girl and make plans for your future with her. Hope the best for you.
Hun you mother is a control freak, she cant let go and realize you are an adult now...she is very insecure and this is her way of getting reassurances that you love her, by pushing you away and you keep coming back for more
What you can do is print the question and answers you are getting here and mail it to her with a letter of your own, call her bluff and tell her that you are no longer prepared to go home, unless she is prepared to welcome you without criticizing the minute you walk through the door...and then depending on her response stay away until she decides she is your mother. She does love you, but her insecurities make her test that each time she sees you....explain to her clearly how she makes you feel (unloved)
And my dear no matter how justified your outburst is, you never ever tell you mother to shut up, its an ultimate insult. Act like an adult and maybe she will treat you like one
That%26#039;s a bit harsh for your mom to do. I often feel that way too. Sometimes I feel suicidal, but I learned to never give up hope. My parents tell me that i%26#039;m hopeless because my brother is the one going to MIT and i%26#039;m still getting only A%26#039;s a B%26#039;s in high school.
That%26#039;s why one day I%26#039;m going to grow up and be something great and give my mom whatever she needs and give every back to her. Everything that I took from her I will repay.
I know my situation isn%26#039;t as bad as your, but I%26#039;d say she%26#039;s just worried about you way too much because you%26#039;re always away from home. Just let her know that you love her and call often not just on special occasions. Occasionally send her gifts and try to do better in school and prove to her that you%26#039;re not hopeless and that you can be a better person.
im gonna be honest now! yes your mum loves you but its sounds you have no respect for her so she cant relay this feeling back, as a mum i want to respect my kids and their achievements and be proud that they are nice human beings and mostly i don%26#039;t want them to be ignorant in life, im afraid you sound very bad mannered towards her and the fact she is still paying towards anything you should show her that you respect the fact she wants you to have money left over to most properly save for your future, why don%26#039;t you take her out for a meal explain that you%26#039;ve been foolish and now its time you are growing up, explain that everything she does doesn%26#039;t go unnoticed its just you were selfish in thinking you deserved it when you now realize you needed to earn her respect and that you will be the child she would want you to be and not the ungrateful git you have been......good luck
First-your Mom sounds like shes a controller. Does your Dad suffer from her comments and attacks too? Have you talked to him about it? Is he loving toward you? I think that%26#039;s the relationship you should worry about. Maybe she is simply incapable. I have an older sister that can be more hurtful than words can say and never apologizes. I think shes just %26quot;broken%26quot; and so I avoid her. If she really needed me, I would be there-she knows that. I also don%26#039;t want to get hurt anymore. Saying you love her is an affirmation of how you, yourself feel. Don%26#039;t stop. RRealizethat there is a problem but forgive her in your heart. It sounds like you are a good person-someone raised you right. You are also getting a great opportunity at an education-take it. Save your rent money (what you make that could pay rent) eevery monthand put it away, knowing that you could pay it and have it could be a good thing for your heart.
Oh my God, she sounds awful and unable to love you or anyone for that matter. Sounds like she hates herself too, is unable to care. Your Grandmother may have done that to her and she is now doing it to you. She knows no other way to raise a child than what she saw growing up. We pretty much always revert back to that, the way we were raised.
This is not your fault, it has nothing to do with you. You are not the unlovable one, you did not cause this to happen. It%26#039;s pretty much all your Mom%26#039;s problems that are causing this to happen. Stop telling her you love her, stop all of it, wait for her to come to you, call you, berate you something, make lots of friends and try to find a life without them.
ok this happens to m me to, u and i have a lot in common but to get her to say her true feelings, just sit her down to talk to her, if she pulls away. just leave. the tention will hurt u both and she%26#039;ll finally realize that shes giving u no love. if that does no work go to the jerry springer show!
the guy below me is right but if you want to make her fell like you love her give her something she will never forget like a party of her old friends, or something like a great gift she will love like a dog or cat,but if she loves something or wants something go try to save up and buy it for her and go to the movies or something.
Let%26#039;s get one thing straight first: unless you have a mother who is a drunk or drug addict or has some mental disease, she definitely still loves you. Now, the problem you%26#039;re addressing is %26quot;why doesn%26#039;t she at least SHOW that she loves me?%26quot; I%26#039;m really glad you%26#039;re taking the initiative in telling her that you love her. But don%26#039;t let her make you feel bad about yourself. If they pay your college tuition and rent, remember, they are paying this voluntarily, since you offered, after all. Try calling them right after this month%26#039;s rent and thanking your mother with conviction in your voice. Whether or not she shows it, there%26#039;s a 99.99% chance she appreciates it.
Personally, though, I think she is acting this way because she can%26#039;t stand to have you all grown up. Consider how she%26#039;s been nagging you to do %26quot;childish%26quot; things. Did you two get into arguments when you were younger, or did she nag you as much? If not, then there%26#039;s a high chance she DOES love you, and loves you SO much that she can%26#039;t bear to have you all grown up. Parents love kids, and it%26#039;s always hard for them to accept their little birds are leaving the nest. And of course, she%26#039;s going to be irritable because of this when you come over. She%26#039;s just over-protective of herself when you say you love her, because with you grown, she%26#039;s not so sure anymore. Try writing her a long mother%26#039;s day card or valentine%26#039;s card or a %26quot;just because%26quot; email telling her everything you love about her and thanking her for her impact on your childhood to help you get to college today. Just remember: she DOES love you, and even if she doesn%26#039;t show it, I%26#039;m sure she loves you, too.
Are you the only child? if so she has not learnt how to cope, it is easier to pay your rent and keep you at arms length than to have you near. Take it like an adult accept it and try to break the bond, pay your own way to get her respect and go it alone from now on, visit of course but make your own way and stand on your own two feet.
Tell her how you feel and move on.
Is she your biological mom? She sounds very cold.
Get your education, make your own life.
Your a great kid, hope my child turns out like you.
Stay strong.
My sister hates her daughter and it%26#039;s my sisters fault. My niece has done everything please her and nothing has worked. Her standards are so high. She LOVES my nephew because he went to Law School. My niece has her bachelors, that was not good enough. She eventually left home and now lives with her boyfriend.
This sounds as if your mother is going through some emotional problems. She may need some counseling. It sounds as though she is in a very bad place psychologically. Discuss this with a counselor and ask your Dad to get your mother some help.
You can%26#039;t MAKE your mom believe anything... people only believe what they want. What you can do, though, is show her you love her the best that you can. Do nice things for her, be as respectful as possible, and try to tolerate her constant nagging. For all you know, something else in her life could be keeping her from being happy. Even though your mom won%26#039;t acknowledge any good in your relationship, you can be the bigger person and do so.
Couple of quesses....1) mom misses you being home, her little girl is off making a life for herself (called the empty nest syndrome) 2) mom is very jealous of your achievements, where was she on her journey at 20, she had dreams and did they materialize. 3) and lastly, maybe you are a pain in the butt whiney kid that has by your own words %26quot;don%26#039;t feel like a good person%26quot; that is difficult to deal with. My suggestion is have a talk about these issues, couldn%26#039;t hurt.
I can say that right now I can relate to you in the ways of how your mom says things like %26quot;I don%26#039;t know how i raised such a child%26quot; or constantly putting me down. But the fact that your mother doesn%26#039;t believe you when you say that you love her is something I don%26#039;t relate to.The thing is that what is expected from parents is for them to love their children no matter what, and I guess it%26#039;s shocking and hurtful when we find that it%26#039;s not unconditional love. I know everyone says this, but it%26#039;s because it%26#039;s true. Talking about it may help a lot. It might just be that your mom is distressed about something else. If she can%26#039;t see that you are truly trying to convince her that you do love her, then it might be helpful to ask her why she feels the way she does. Money can%26#039;t buy relationships, it%26#039;s better to tell her straight that you love her a lot and you%26#039;ll be there for her no matter what.
