What do u think of this. Please help!?

I am 12 and working on a novel.



Preface



As I walked up Jessica Martins street that night in 1918 I remember the rain slowly picking up its pace hitting my new

%26quot; Vicky lanes%26quot; rain jacket. I had got it the day before for my 15th birthday.

As I rounded the corner I saw Jessica come running out her front door

in nothing but shorts and shirt . She stopped in front of me her cream blonde hair

drenched with rain and her unbelievably pale snow skin beaming with

light as she grabbed my hand and pulled me inside her two stories house and plopped

me down next to , Grace Letterson and Abigail Fondenbuger. Jessica was my best friend.

The best of a friend in the world at that time. Though she was different and wasn’t like the rest of us,

she was unthinkably kind. We met in kindergarten when we both had to go to the little girls room by the third grade hall. We held hands because we were scared because of all the bigger kids. We had daycare together with Ms.Johnet also. My skin a light tan and hair a dark leather black. We looked nothing alike.

My eyes blue from my mother, Jessica’s eyes Golden blue and green and some times black...

She was always cold but I never paid much attention....Jessica was the kind of person who would be all for playing some hopscotch one day then be begging for a nickel and pennies to buy a new hair band from Uncle Eddies hair shop...I am Bella McBride. She was Jessica Martin. And we were best friends. Welcome to 1918, new England.



The Cullen’s



“ Ok, ladies, how much did you earn this week?” Jessica asked in her best grown up voice. Abigail laughed. “ All together we made two dollars and five cents” Grace said dumping the money in the glass bird jar on the table in front of us. We had a club were we made clothes for people. One item was fifteen cents. “ Oh , that is good, that’s twenty more cents then last week, Ms.Jinkers must have been out of town. Her and her children need new shirts almost every week” I said taking my gloves off. Abigail looked at Jessica’s wet clothes and frowned. “ You really should change your clothes Jess” Abigail said combing her fingers threw her light strawberry blonde hair. “ Hey darling girls” Ms. Martin said kissing us all on the cheeks before taking a good look at Jessica. “ My, my, Darling go change your clothes you don’t want get the new carpet wet and its very rude to be soaked with water when you have guests” Ms. Martin laughed pushing Jessica up the stairs. “ Yes mother” Jessica sighed and smiled as she hopped up the stairs. We laughed and I shook out my black hair and pushed it behind me ears. The thing with Ms. Martin is, she is the most motherly woman in the town. I live just with my father and he is at work all the time so Monday threw Thursday I stay with Jessica and her mother and four siblings. All us girls go to a private school. It isn’t to bad, the uniforms are manageable but not very suitable, of coarse they are suitable for girls of our age. They just are not very, cute or pretty so to speak. They are plain blue shirts and yellow skirts with black, yellow and blue striped stockings that go up to our thighs.

“ Mother, I am done!” Jessica yelled as she skipped down the stairs in a white dress with blue buttons that stopped at her knees. Her hair down , dry , with a yellow bonnet on top of her perfect hair. “ Ok , please do not be loud Jess dear” Ms. Martin said in her small yet bell like voice as she walked out of the kitchen with a plate of cookies and tea.



“ Sorry mother, I just am excited to tell the girls something” Jessica apologized nodding slightly when her mother offered her a cookie.

“ Thank you Ms. Martin” I said smiling and taking a bite of my cookie. “ Did you hear girls, there is a new family in town?” Jessica asked sipping her tea like a princess, as her mother was very strict with manners.

“ Oh, no I did not, surely, who are they?”

Grace asked her face slightly curious. “ Well, I heard they moved here yesterday, they are the Cullen’s, the cutest one is Edward Cullen”

Jessica said flushing delicate pink. Abigail and me giggled slightly. “ Well, Jessica , you must be very observant” I said raising my tea cup and laughing at her. Jessica is the one that never misses one thing. “ Well it is the simple truth, no reason not to admit what is obviously a fact” She said defending herself. I rolled my eyes, “ Sure, it is simply a fact” Grace said smiling teasingly at her.

“ Well, girls, the Cullen’s are very beautiful in look’s, I will admit that, but the most important thing is Dr.Cullen its about time we got a good surgeon in this town” Ms. Martin said pouring more tea into my cup as I nodded politely. “ Oh, well, that is good, how many of them are there?” Abigail asked Ms. Martin grabbing another cookie.

I set my cup down and looked at her curiosity. “ Well, there are, seven” Ms. Martin said looking down as she grabbed her first cookie. “ Two daughters, three sons, Dr.Cullen and his Wife Esmee”
What do u think of this. Please help!?
well, 5mins back, it was ur sibling who was working on a novel wid d same caharacters...

anyways, my feedback is the same, change some of the sentences into indirect speech....

vc

traveling with baby

Is Colin Powell an 'Obamacan', shortly to become an 'Obamacon'? Would that knock the stuffing out of McCain?

Would a Powell endorsement be the final nail in McCain's campaign coffin?



'Obamacans' - Sen. Barack Obama's term for Republicans who whisper their support for him.



'Obamacons'- leading conservatives of various stripes who have declared their support for the Democrat.



Obama's conservative fan club

Here is a sampling of views of conservatives who have either endorsed Obama or are considering endorsing him publicly.



Andrew Sullivan, conservative blogger for the Atlantic Monthly: %26quot;Obama's story confirms what conservatives have always believed about America. He is the black son of an immigrant, raised by a modest single mother and yet despite the obstacles inherent in his background he is approaching the pinnacle of American success. Isn't he the poster boy for what conservatives have always assured us is possible in America?%26quot;



Armstrong Williams, an African American conservative and talk radio host who is not an Obamacon but said he might become one: %26quot;I'm not going to just blindly go to the polls and vote for someone because they're a Republican anymore. I wouldn't have given two cents of thought to this in the past, but fortunately I'm maturing and fortunately for the first time in my life I could vote for a Democrat for president.%26quot; Williams refuses to base his vote on race, %26quot;however the stain of America is race, human slavery and de jure segregation and no one can ignore the fact that since the founding of this country, only white men have occupied the White House.%26quot;



Larry Hunter, supply-side economist who helped write Republicans' 1994 Contract With America: %26quot;How can I possibly support a candidate who proposes domestic policies (especially tax and economic policies) that are completely antithetical to everything I believe? ... It is indicative of how much I value individual freedom and how profoundly important I believe foreign policy to be at this juncture of American history that I am enthusiastically supporting Barack Obama for president. It doesn't hurt that McCain himself is only slightly less wrong on economic and tax policy. ... My sentiments on Obama are best captured in the note a conservative friend of mine, Wendell Gunn, wrote Obama when he sent him a campaign contribution: 'My contribution to your campaign is based on hope and change: My hope that you will change your mind on the tax and economic policies you are proposing.' %26quot;



Andrew J. Bacevich, professor of history and international relations at Boston University, writing in the American Conservative: %26quot;We should take (McCain) at his word: his commitment to continuing the most disastrous of President Bush's misadventures is irrevocable. ... He is the candidate of the War Party. The election of John McCain would provide a new lease on life to American militarism, while perpetuating the U.S. penchant for global interventionism marketed under the guise of liberation.%26quot;



Douglas Kmiec, former head of the Office of Legal Counsel in the Reagan and first Bush administrations: %26quot;I'm disappointed that a legacy of great achievement that I think Ronald Reagan and the first President Bush brought to the Republican Party (has ended): in terms of fiscal responsibility and conveying as Reagan did that a free market and personal responsibility and defense of home and local community often redounds to the happiness of the human person. Somehow we've managed in the last eight years to forget all the basics, to violate all of the first principles. We've lost sight of the things that really mattered to us. If I had to give us a report card, I'd have to say, in the way the nuns used to express it, 'not promoted to the following grade.' %26quot;



Susan Eisenhower, granddaughter of Republican President Dwight Eisenhower: %26quot;Deep in America's heart, I believe, is the nagging fear that our best years as a nation are over. We are disliked overseas and feel insecure at home. We watch as our federal budget hemorrhages red ink and our civil liberties are eroded. Crises in energy, health care and education threaten our way of life and our ability to compete internationally. ... My grandfather was pursued by both political parties ... (and) went on to win the presidency with the indispensable help of a 'Democrats for Eisenhower' movement. These crossover voters were attracted by his pledge to bring change to Washington and by the prospect that he would unify the nation. It is in this great tradition that I support Barack Obama's candidacy for president.%26quot;



David Friedman, economist at Santa Clara University and son of Nobel-winning economist Milton Friedman: %26quot;Bush was elected on a pro-market, small government platform and proceeded to greatly expand the size of government - and not only in the form of military spending. His view of the legitimate power of the executive branch, including the authority to deliberately violate federal law, I find frightening. Perhaps, if we are lucky, Obama will turn out to be the anti-Bush.%26quot;



Or have seen the writing on the w
Is Colin Powell an 'Obamacan', shortly to become an 'Obamacon'? Would that knock the stuffing out of McCain?
They talk several times a week on the phone according to Obama and Powell. That has to mean something. In my opinion and this is just my opinion, I believe that Powell will be in Obama's cabinet in some capacity. Perhaps Secretary of Defense.
Is Colin Powell an 'Obamacan', shortly to become an 'Obamacon'? Would that knock the stuffing out of McCain?
You're welcome!

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no, thanks for the points.
Nope. Powell is a black republican and it would reflect horribly on him. It would be obvious that he's voting due to race if he did that
I'd love to see Colin Powell endorse Obama but unfortunately if he did, people would scream that he's only doing it because they're both black. The fact that he's NOT endorsing McCain speaks volumes, though.
Very Cool! Thanks for the info!
Yes, I'm waiting for Powell to do that. I think Powell will come out the last week of the compaign.
Troops Deployed Abroad Give 6:1 to Obama



During World War II, soldiers crouching in foxholes penned letters assuring their sweethearts that they'd be home soon. Now, between firefights in the Iraqi desert, some infantrymen have been sending a different kind of mail stateside: two or three hundred dollars -- or whatever they can spare -- towards a presidential election that could very well determine just how soon they come home.



According to an analysis of campaign contributions by the nonpartisan Center for Responsive Politics, Democrat Barack Obama has received nearly six times as much money from troops deployed overseas at the time of their contributions than has Republican John McCain, and the fiercely anti-war Ron Paul, though he suspended his campaign for the Republican nomination months ago, has received more than four times McCain's haul.



Despite McCain's status as a decorated veteran and a historically Republican bent among the military, members of the armed services overall -- whether stationed overseas or at home -- are also favoring Obama with their campaign contributions in 2008, by a $55,000 margin. Although 59 percent of federal contributions by military personnel has gone to Republicans this cycle, of money from the military to the presumed presidential nominees, 57 percent has gone to Obama.
A lot of folks here do not realize that Powell has stated in the past and on more than one occation that he was considering supporting Obama.
You have just insulted Colin Powell's integrity and intelligence in a HUGE way!

QUESTION FOR BOYS (and girls. But boys'll help better)?

So... if you liked this girl almost allll of the last school year, and knew she liked you back, but you both were in seventh grade and decided not to go out. So yeah you still flirted and talked and it was cute but you didn%26#039;t really text her because you always lost your phone and just weren%26#039;t really a texter in general, not that it mattered because you guys talked at school. You keep on liking her until school ends.



So then the summer goes by, you don%26#039;t talk to her once. School%26#039;s back, you have no classes together... you see her frequently in the halls but never talk. Then, one day, out of the blue she goes up and talks to you for a bit you SMILE AND ITS HELLA CUTE %26lt;3 while you%26#039;re the type of guy who has hardly any friends who are girls and who hardly ever smiles... you give her this BIG HEARTMELTING SMILE. :] After this, you change your bike path so you%26#039;re on the same as hers. A week goes by, and you don%26#039;t talk, until the last school day you have before valentines day, she gives you a valentine. No biggie, she gave them to a lot of her friends but since you hadn%26#039;t talked in a while it was a little unexpected. About five days later, over break, she texts you and you actually reply... she gets 21 messages from you in a 24 hour period, you get 19 from her. Now break%26#039;s over, and you%26#039;ve been at school one day, she hasn%26#039;t talked to you but it%26#039;s only been one day.



1) if you were in this situation, would it be possible that you still liked her? (cuase i still like him but I didn%26#039;t realize it until I spoke to him)

2) Would you think she liked you back? You%26#039;re not what you would call a ladies man... you%26#039;ve never had a gf, then again you%26#039;re only in eighth grade. In fact, you really don%26#039;t talk to girls much, and really don%26#039;t have any (not sure but don%26#039;t think so... maybe some from camp and a couple from school) friends that are girls...

3) WHAT SHOULD I DO TO GET HIM TO LIKE ME?? Tomorrow is 8th graders open gym day were the 8th graders can go play b-ball... and I have to take pictures... I%26#039;m 100% sure he%26#039;ll be there. Any suggestions? I already know what I%26#039;m wearing, lol. ALSO... I want to be able to talk to him in the halls more, at least say hi. How, and what do I say?



THANKS FOR READING THIS INSANE AMMOUNT OF TEXT I WILL BE ETERNALLY GRATEFUL TO WHOEVER ANSWERS :]
QUESTION FOR BOYS (and girls. But boys%26#039;ll help better)?
You two are still young and have plenty of time to spark up an intimate relationship.



Tips?

1) Be patient, don%26#039;t make it obvious that you%26#039;re trying to get him to like you

2) Spark up conversations. *Key*

3) Hang out here and there, preferably just the two of you if you trust him, for example- the movie theatre...or maybe even just to hang out after school :)



I put *key* under conversing with one another because it%26#039;s a great way of building a solid relationship...it%26#039;s also fun and exciting, you get to know each other more as well, which is important in getting into a serious relationship.



Like someone said earlier, he seems like he%26#039;s playing it safe. Obviously you make him happy which is really good.



I strongly suggest you start talking to him a lot more, and just let time work itself out and see what happens.



Good luck :)



*edit: %26quot;If a guy likes you, he%26#039;ll make it happen.

Just be cool and do your own thing, dont wait around and obsess over it.%26quot;



While some guys may make it seem that shyness is never a factor for them, there are the masses that always kept their opinion to themselves. People who never found the confidence to talk won%26#039;t talk until they find the motivation.



If you talk to him first, you can become his motivation to open up, understand the process? :]



Again, good luck ^_^
QUESTION FOR BOYS (and girls. But boys%26#039;ll help better)?
If a guy likes you, he%26#039;ll make it happen.

Just be cool and do your own thing, dont wait around and obsess over it.
this isnt much help, buttttt that sounds adorable(:



uhmm.. keep talking to him. but dont get clinging. just when you see him smile, and keep walking. if he wants to talk, he%26#039;ll say something. when he texts you first, thats a GREAT sign, he likes you. if you talk at night, say %26quot;goodnight(:%26quot; and if he says sweet dreams, thats also a GREAT sign.



pay attention to little things. but dont be too sure. boys are very confusing! trust meee/: but its worth it, i promise.
we all would like a guy to sweep us of our feet or like admit his eternal and undying love Notebook style in the rain, but trust me, that never happens. If he doesn%26#039;t do anything about it, then let it go, unless you want to make the first move. Guys need time; they%26#039;re more vulnerable than they let on.
This is ridiculously cute...Chances are he likes you, but if she was shy in the 7th grade, he%26#039;s prob still shy, and guys don%26#039;t put themselves out there unless they%26#039;re 99% they won%26#039;t get rejected, especially at that age, and his personality type. I was similar. U gotta make it pretty clear u like him for him to respond to u.
ok first of all: i don%26#039;t think you%26#039;re being too obsessed. i had this HUGE crush in my eighth grade year, and the guy lived in my neighborhood like twenty feet from the little park that%26#039;s in the middle, so me and my best friend (who also had a crush on him) would go sit in the corner of the park in front of his house and hope he would like, wander outside, then we would talk loudly and laugh and stuff and see if he would look over at us. and he was in our creative writing class and we would try and talk to him and stuff and i think we were a little obvious... especially my friend when she finally got a myspace he was the first person she added as a friend.... haha. so back to you%26#039;re problem.



i think if he liked you that much before, he%26#039;s still going to have some feelings for you. if you start talking to him a lot and stuff he%26#039;s bound to like you a lot more. chances are, the more time you spend with him, the more he%26#039;ll like you. just keep becoming friends and hopefully, if he%26#039;s even a little bit normal, he%26#039;ll ask you out eventually. it might take a while, especially if you said he%26#039;s not a %26quot;ladies man%26quot; he%26#039;ll be worried about being rejected.



good luck!!!

I'm so totally confused right now xD?

Alright. If anyone from my school sees this, con-frickin'-grats. you know the innermost workings of my psyche. I don't know if i like this guy or not, and i'm PRETTY sure most of you guys know who it is if you know me irl.



Okay, so there's this guy that I've known ever since 8th grade. He started out as really annoying and I wanted to kick his ***, right?

We bickered back and forth all the time, and i hated his guts. But as the year went on, we became... well, frenemies would be the term xD



Like we have some inside jokes with just each other, and we went to boulder and denver together for a Science club thing that me and him and a few other friends did, and we ended up in almost every class together in Highschool, and we ended up getting to know each other pretty well.



Well then 9th grade rolls around and we're in pretty much every class together. We always ended up chatting over e-mail in our computer class thing, and like... idk. But then he was telling me about how he made a bet with one of his friends that if he actually GOT a date to homecoming (he's not the most well liked guy in the school... in fact almost everyone hates him. But i think it's sorta cool how resilient he is and how he's not afraid to be himself :)) then his friend would give him $20 to pay for the couples' ticket. So i emailed him and the dialogue was as follows:

Me: Umm... kay. So i might have an idea but it'll involve some severe humiliation on both our parts.

Guy: What? I want the 20 bucks. I'll eat dog crap to get it xD

Me: No nothing that bad. But maybe... we could go just as friends? then we'll both have a pretty good time just hanging out and you get the 20 bucks.

Guy: Sounds fair. Restivo, i would like to officially ask you to homecoming.

Me: LOL :D



But then he brought me over to his friend and got the 20 bucks and we started hanging out with a few other friends, and he said that he wasn't even going to homecoming. I... sorta thought he was xD

So i tried to pretend i wasn't hurt by it, but i sorta was a little bit. So i put on this front that i was over it, which i guess in a way i was. I mean, I've been dumped for stupid reasons before (i.e. because i don't like anime, because i wouldn't **** him, etc.)and i've totally bounced back and said %26quot;**** it, they're not worth it%26quot; but this one really hurt. But i did my whole Freudian Sublimation thing and tried to focus on my art (so now you know that the periods of time that i upload MASSIVE amounts of art to deviantart at a time means that i've just been dumped) and it worked for a while but idk.



Now, i really don't know if I still like him or not... we banter back and forth all the time, we laugh at each other's jokes, we're pretty good buds, even though it seems like we're just being asses to each other... we're friends, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if i like him like... THAT anymore. Like today we totally traded yo mama jokes and neither one of us got offended by them even though i normally go batshit insane when someone talks about my mom. He's just a special case i guess... and in one of my only classes without him i found myself sorta thinking about him or what i'm gonna diss him about next.



And it seems like he likes me too... like when we were scheduling for next year he asked me when i had my AP Government class and i told him, then I saw my Comp/Lit teacher walking around and looking at everyone's schedule, and she looks at his and says, %26quot;Why'd you change your government class to block 3? you said you had it perfect%26quot; and I couldn't help thinking that he changed that class around because I was in that same class, which means he has to be in the same Comp/Lit and French classes as me next year too.



I don't know, you guys... I just need some help sorting my feelings out xD
I'm so totally confused right now xD?
TOOOOO LONGGGGGG......
I'm so totally confused right now xD?
Oi this is an insane amount of information but let me start with my decision. He likes you, whether you like him or not is something you need to figure out for yourself. Now here comes the tricky part, he likes you, but he's afraid at the same time. That's why he would cancel the homecoming thing. He put himself that close to going with you, became unsure of himself and was afraid that if he went to far he would end up being let down. It sounds like he isn't all to sure whether you like him or not either. He puts up these fronts where it looks like he's just shrugging this stuff off, but it sounds like he's one of those guys who won't let his more precious feelings show. My guess, from what you say is that he hasn't had very many girlfriends (or any at all) for a long time either. This can be a very discouraging factor for a boy teen in high school.

Question for the Women/Men who are in or have been in the Army.?

I've always been like the school %26quot;Badass%26quot; cursing out teachers fighting other students. I at the moment hold my towns record at 32 suspensions since 6th grade beating the old one by 4. I guess i was never kicked out of the school district because even though I was bad I had good grades(I don't know how maybe the teachers wanted to get rid of me)I've been out of school going on 3 years now %26amp; I come from a kind of rich family so I've never had to work I always had a bank account to take care of me %26amp; I'm sick of it %26amp; myself. I'm an undisciplined person with a live that's headed nowhere. I always wanted to join the military mostly the marines but all they've done is lie to me about things so i started looking at the army %26amp; they've been more honest with what ill get out of joining them %26amp; how it'll change my life, cause I have no idea where my life is headed %26amp; once my bank account is empty my family will only take care of me for so long. So I just wanted to ask the one that are in or have been in the Army what has it done for you %26amp; how did it change your life?
Question for the Women/Men who are in or have been in the Army.?
wow you have asked an awesome question because you know i am an Recruiter and i run into students that just do not understand the life of the Army. They think that because they have it made with the parents, that they have it made for the rest of their life. you sure put a great point out there and i think i may use your question as a example. you seem like a great kid that has open your eyes early and realise how life is going to be. The Army from the beginning taught me discipline, to respect others no matter what the situation is, to take care of my own, not to steal, to be a hard worker, to plan for goals, to continue my education, to travel and not be stuck in the same town all my life, to meet new people from all aspect of life and get along with them. I have 6yrs left and still look young. The thing about the army is that its the biggest branch and offers the most bonus money. ofcourse money is not everything so if you do decide to enlist in the Army, go more for the job that you will enjoy and not for the bonus money as much, because its the job that you got to perform afterall. Also, your recruiter can print you out a reservation sheet before you go to MEPSa dn enlist. this means you will have a printout and proof in black and white of the job you chose, bonus money, day you ship, and dates of when basic and AIT(job training location) will start, also how long the training is. Basic is always 9 weeks long. what state are you in? I am in North carolina! if you need anything you can I.M. me or email me personally
Question for the Women/Men who are in or have been in the Army.?
The biggest thing for me is that it is paying my tuition now. I put in 6 years and now I can go to school and work part time. As far as your situation, the Army does teach you a lot of discipline, and it sounds like you could use it.

READERS/WRITERS: What do you think of this little scene I put together?

I escaped to my room, and watched TV for an hour, before I heard my mother slam her car door, coming home from work. I hoped up and went downstairs to greet her.

My mother had ebony black hair and electric blue eyes, just like me. Just by walking in, she lit up the room. She was probably my favorite person in the world.

She worked at the Hospital as a day nurse, but my father and I said she should have been a motivational speaker, because my mother has an amazing way with words. She has inspired so many people, that I had lost count years ago.

The way she speaks just makes you want to make a difference, makes you want to do something that counts. Whenever someone just gives up or quits, my mother would be there, just talking away, changing someone’s life.

It wasn’t just that though. She didn’t just change your mind about something. She showed you that someone cared. That she was there, whenever someone needed her, and I think that is why she worked so well. Just knowing that you had support can make a huge difference, and that’s why people loved her so much. She showed someone was there.

As my mother walked inside the kitchen, going through the back door, she set her purse on the island and started searching the cupboard for something she could make for dinner. Always working, always on the move, she was.

“Hey Mom, how was work?” I asked and I guess my mother hadn’t noticed me, because she was startled by my question. She whirled around with her hand on her heart. She was breathing heavily, and her eyes were wide.

“Oh, Hun, I didn’t even see you there! You startled me!” She exclaimed, but when she slowed her heart rate, and calmed down, she smiled. “How was your day?” she asked.

I hesitated with my answer. Could I tell my mother I had lost the race? I didn’t plan on telling anybody. I was a great liar, and an amazing avoider, (or so I’ve been told), but there was something more than it being to embarrassing to tell. Elliot had found out, and I remembered how my heart dropped just trying to tell him. Then I imagined trying to tell her, and it made my whole mood come down.

She noticed the preoccupation in my expression. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing. It was a really boring day, I went to the Commons, then came home.” I said emptily, fighting the urge to tell her everything. There were some new problems with our vacation. I didn’t have the car, OR the money. Shouldn’t I tell her that? No, No I shouldn’t.

“Have you gotten the chance to pack for your little vacation?” She asked while taking out a little box of Mac-and–cheese for dinner.

I smiled sheepishly. If there was one thing I didn’t get from my mother, was that ability to plan. I was a procrastinator, not to mention a planner. I wasn’t much of a preparer either. I just went with whatever happened, while my mom, on the other hand, planned and prepared weeks ahead, making endless and countless lists. Lists that said what to pack, what to eat, and when to stop driving for a lunch break. She would’ve made notes that explained directions, and routes. Everything that could be planned would be.

The only thing was; Elliot said that we would do this all on our own. I have no clue what he was talking about when he said that, because if it were me, our mother would have planned the entire thing, and we would be using her car, but Elliot had some sort of pride thing. He wanted to test himself. He was a smart person, in fact, the smartest in his grade, but for some reason, he was also setting up more challenges, and more problems.

In any case, I still didn’t pack. “No, not yet.” I finally replied, after a long hesitation.

My mother tilted her head to the side, barely side-tracked by this new information. “Okay, well, at least start tonight, or tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.” I said as I watched my mother cook our dinner.

After a few minutes of silence, I heard the front door slam close and my father calling out.

“Hello?” He said in his booming voice, which echoed through the house.

“In here Roy!” My mother replied, wiping off the wooden spoon she was using for stirring, and putting it in the sink.

My father walked into the kitchen and set his weatherman briefcase on the island, next to my mother’s bag. He looked almost exactly like Elliot, with his mahogany brown hair and frost blue eyes. He smiled a lot, but was probably the exact opposite of mom.

With him, cheering someone up, was as effortless and smiling. Though he didn’t say much, he said enough with one smile. Like my mom’s words, it showed that everything was going to be okay. That was definitely something I needed to know, right now.

“How were your days?” he asked us.

“Fine.” I answered shortly, trying to get off this subject. He shot me a confused look, while my mother handed me a pile of dishes and silverware, for the dinner table.

After dinner I went to bed and fell slowly asleep.





PS the race thing is just something. You can ignore it. PLUS DONT BE TOO MEAN

I wro
READERS/WRITERS: What do you think of this little scene I put together?
It's ok but cut your descriptions of how wonderful mom and dad are. If you put it in, it needs to be backed up by the story, and so far they haven't done anything special.
READERS/WRITERS: What do you think of this little scene I put together?
Well It's quite realistic .I believe that all you're explaining here is a scenario of your daily routine!I like it .Even though you might want to describe the characters more.
Okay, your writing style isn't exactly perfect.



Its like 'I went upstairs and jumped on my bed. Mom came home. I went downstairs' Too many I did this, I did that, you need to describe things ALOT more.



The writing is amateur, and it needs an extreme amount of work. However, practise makes perfect!



Your grammar and punctuation is fine from what I read, and I don't think you need to change that, but take on board what I said before and this story would be ok.



Good luck!
cute :)
Its a good story. Its extremely realistic! I an a little confused about who Elliot is, though. And what little vacation is she taking? Its quite good! I can't wait to read more!

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What do you think of this scene?

I escaped to my room, and watched TV for an hour, before I heard my mother slam her car door, coming home from work. I hoped up and went downstairs to greet her.

My mother had ebony black hair and electric blue eyes, just like me. Just by walking in, she lit up the room. She was probably my favorite person in the world.

She worked at the Hospital as a day nurse, but my father and I said she should have been a motivational speaker, because my mother has an amazing way with words. She has inspired so many people, that I had lost count years ago.

The way she speaks just makes you want to make a difference, makes you want to do something that counts. Whenever someone just gives up or quits, my mother would be there, just talking away, changing someone’s life.

It wasn’t just that though. She didn’t just change your mind about something. She showed you that someone cared. That she was there, whenever someone needed her, and I think that is why she worked so well. Just knowing that you had support can make a huge difference, and that’s why people loved her so much. She showed someone was there.

As my mother walked inside the kitchen, going through the back door, she set her purse on the island and started searching the cupboard for something she could make for dinner. Always working, always on the move, she was.

“Hey Mom, how was work?” I asked and I guess my mother hadn’t noticed me, because she was startled by my question. She whirled around with her hand on her heart. She was breathing heavily, and her eyes were wide.

“Oh, Hun, I didn’t even see you there! You startled me!” She exclaimed, but when she slowed her heart rate, and calmed down, she smiled. “How was your day?” she asked.

I hesitated with my answer. Could I tell my mother I had lost the race? I didn’t plan on telling anybody. I was a great liar, and an amazing avoider, (or so I’ve been told), but there was something more than it being to embarrassing to tell. Elliot had found out, and I remembered how my heart dropped just trying to tell him. Then I imagined trying to tell her, and it made my whole mood come down.

She noticed the preoccupation in my expression. “What’s wrong?” She asked.

“Nothing. It was a really boring day, I went to the Commons, then came home.” I said emptily, fighting the urge to tell her everything. There were some new problems with our vacation. I didn’t have the car, OR the money. Shouldn’t I tell her that? No, No I shouldn’t.

“Have you gotten the chance to pack for your little vacation?” She asked while taking out a little box of Mac-and–cheese for dinner.

I smiled sheepishly. If there was one thing I didn’t get from my mother, was that ability to plan. I was a procrastinator, not to mention a planner. I wasn’t much of a preparer either. I just went with whatever happened, while my mom, on the other hand, planned and prepared weeks ahead, making endless and countless lists. Lists that said what to pack, what to eat, and when to stop driving for a lunch break. She would’ve made notes that explained directions, and routes. Everything that could be planned would be.

The only thing was; Elliot said that we would do this all on our own. I have no clue what he was talking about when he said that, because if it were me, our mother would have planned the entire thing, and we would be using her car, but Elliot had some sort of pride thing. He wanted to test himself. He was a smart person, in fact, the smartest in his grade, but for some reason, he was also setting up more challenges, and more problems.

In any case, I still didn’t pack. “No, not yet.” I finally replied, after a long hesitation.

My mother tilted her head to the side, barely side-tracked by this new information. “Okay, well, at least start tonight, or tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.” I said as I watched my mother cook our dinner.

After a few minutes of silence, I heard the front door slam close and my father calling out.

“Hello?” He said in his booming voice, which echoed through the house.

“In here Roy!” My mother replied, wiping off the wooden spoon she was using for stirring, and putting it in the sink.

My father walked into the kitchen and set his weatherman briefcase on the island, next to my mother’s bag. He looked almost exactly like Elliot, with his mahogany brown hair and frost blue eyes. He smiled a lot, but was probably the exact opposite of mom.

With him, cheering someone up, was as effortless and smiling. Though he didn’t say much, he said enough with one smile. Like my mom’s words, it showed that everything was going to be okay. That was definitely something I needed to know, right now.

“How were your days?” he asked us.

“Fine.” I answered shortly, trying to get off this subject. He shot me a confused look, while my mother handed me a pile of dishes and silverware, for the dinner table.

After dinner I went to bed and fell slowly asleep.





PS the race thing is just something. You can ignore it. PLUS DONT BE TOO MEAN I WRO
What do you think of this scene?
wow it is very realistic, I can actually picture this boy doing theses things. Is it a boy, because thats what it sounds, or at least to me. If it is, than wow your good. PLus I can really picture reading this in a book as a bridge to the next scene.